I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
