Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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