If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
