We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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