I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
