Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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