cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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