I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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