i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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