I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
