Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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