Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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