You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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