No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
