I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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