thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
