No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
