k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
