Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
