May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
