so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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