i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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