Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
