Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
