You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
