if i can run in heels then i can drive
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
