if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
