I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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