I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
