she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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