Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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