you would pick up someone in the library
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
