Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
