they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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