Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
