genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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