I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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