mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
