the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
