it hurts more in the daytime
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
