Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
