you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
