the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
