rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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