Too much gin, very little bucket
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
