yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
