her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
