I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two words: blizzard sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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