the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
