I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
