my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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