Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
