is your mom at the bar?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
